Setelah beribu-ribu hari berhasil aku lalui tanpa bayang dan suaranya mengikuti
Aku berlari kencang mengejar masa depan
Memasuki dunia indah yang baru dan bayan
Menggerawat kala lampau yang pekat, tak lagi terjamah indra
Dimana nurani tak berpijak pada kenyataan pun mimpi

Lalu dia datang lagi
Seperti hantu-hantu masa lalu yang berhasil keluar
Dari kotak Pandora yang telah terkunci dan terkubur di kolong tanah
Berlari dan menyergapku
Menarikku kembali ke kelamnya malam ingatan
Menyentuhku dengan jari-jari masa lalu
Memelukku dengan lengan kenangan hampa

Dan sejenak aku pasrah dan tenggelam dalam indahnya semu mimpi
Karena untuk sesaat seluruh indraku terhentak:
Mataku melihat segala bentuk takterbentuk dalam gelap
Telingaku mendengar tiap deru tarikan nafas para penunggu malam
Hidungku mencium tajam cinta yang membangkai
Tanganku menjamah bayangan Sang Silam

Yang sebelum mengirap, Dia memarau
Sambil menggoreskan sebuah bentuk di udara
‘Lihatlah dalam nyatamu Aku ada
walaupun kau anggap Aku nadir
Dan malam ini Aku mengijabkan
Kau untuk menyentuhKu sekali lagi
Supaya kau ukir dalam kesadaranmu
Yang akan merabun pada saat kau membuka matamu
Ketika Sang Fajar tersingkap
Bahwa Aku di sini
Hidup membenalu dalam benakmu
Mengakar dalam mimpimu
Memekat dengan jiwamu.’

woman: ‘do you know that a woman has the capability of loving several men at the same time?’
man      : ’it’s absurd.’
woman: ‘what do you mean?’
man      : ‘it’s absurd.’
woman: ‘that a woman has the capability of loving several men at the same time?’
man      : ‘yeah, it’s not normal.’
woman: ‘what I meant was it’s just like a man that has that capability too.’
man      : ‘well, it’s normal for a man to do so, but for a woman?’
woman: ’so you’re trying to say that it belongs only to the men’s world?’
man      : ‘well, something like that.’

‘I hate you.’
‘Why?’
‘Does it matter? Since when what I feel has to have foundation?’
‘It does matter to me: what you feel.’
‘What will you do about it?’
‘I don’t know yet. Contemplate it. Maybe.’
‘I didn’t know that you contemplate on feelings too. I thought you do it only on lust.’

Penyangkalan adalah cermin dengan dua arah.
Kau bisa lihat dirimu di sana

Tetapi kenyataannya tak perlu aku ungkapkan di sini.

Dengarlah kata-katamu itu
Kau selalu mengatakan kami, kami, kami
Ya, aku tahu ada kami di sana!
Tanpa kau ucapkan
Aku telah menangkapnya dengan seluruh indraku
Mengetahuinya dengan seluruh kesadaranku

Hanya satu hal yang membuat dahiku berkerut:
Mengapa berat bagimu untuk mengakui
Bahwa ada kita?

Kenyataan tidak perlu pembuktian
Karena kenyataan berdiri bagi dirinya sendiri

: January, 2010 :

To be a writer is to be the mother of his writing pieces. He has to free himself from his characters, plots, even the story itself.
And when he does, his writing pieces will own their own souls – becoming his children of mind.

: January, 2010 :

I think I have to agree with my friend when he said that he didn’t believe in resolution.

At first I thought he didn’t want to do the best for himself or his life. Later I realized, he’s right. We’re living in the world of grey, nothing is absolute. Even our tongue always breaks promises. Words start losing their meaning. We say things we don’t mean, either good or bad.

If you ask me whether  I make resolution this year, I’d rather say that I made plans instead. But let me keep my plans left unmentioned here, for it should be something private but I will share it here if I can make them happen. Just hope that I will stick with the plans until this year has passed by.

Happy new year 2010, everyone!

courtesy of www.innatfalsecreek.com

courtesy of www.innatfalsecreek.com

It was a fine morning. The sun was shining brightly but the rain season was about to come, I could smell its fragrance before it’s coming. It was your special day. What a perfect morning to spend together with you!

I could see it on your face, you felt anxiously happy to come along with me, knowing that we’re going to have breakfast together somewhere you’d never been to. Somewhere I’d ever been to. Somewhere we both wanted to be.

Alone. Unrecognized. Carefree.

The lavish buffet for two was my big surprise for you. Now your eyes sparkled with wonder and my heart leaped with joy. Happy birthday!

I keep asking myself quietly why I’m always craving for you every now and then, despite your flavor.

I taste you in my tongue.
I smell you in the air.
I feel you in my vain.
You flow with my blood stream and every time you reaches my brain, you hit my memory, creating an unbearable echoes like that of a gong.

Only this time, it made a louder sound that it stayed in the thick air of hatred and longing, forcing me to be alerted of the returning of your ghostly figure to my senses.


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