09.09.11

It feels good to write again..

 

scream

courtesy of joshsommers'

scream as loud as you want
for no one will hear you
scream until your throat feels hurt
and your heart wants to explode
just scream!

scream now!

because you know,
no one will hear you.

 

birthday 2

She went out from her room with a casual mood and headed for the living room where all the deads were sitting. she entered the gloomy room half hopping and smiling.
‘Hey guess, what? I’ve decided that today is a good day!’
Silence.
‘Well, I know that you all disagree with me but today is my birthday. At least you should respect that!’
Still silence.
She sighed.
‘Alright then, since you all seem to be uninterested, why don’t we start with a little firework here?’
she ignited a match and asked, ‘Who wants to be the first?’
The corpses sat still on their chair. The air was still dead silence.

 

oleh Gusti

langit biru menyapa ramah
padang rumput mengajakku untuk berlari lepas telanjang
ilalang menari menggodaku dengan gerak lentiknya

tiba-tiba sesuatu hadir menaungi
suara tanpa suara
bentuk takberbentuk
kesunyian menjelma dalam  bahasa takberaksara
membuat lidahku seakan terikat kelu

dalam keliaran yang terhampar di depan netra
dan indra yang ternoda
aku menemukan Engkau, Gusti

: Pentakosta 2007:

 

birthday

She stood in front of her mirror. She put up some moisturizer and powder on her face, then applied some color on her eyebrows. They have been so thin that her folks believe that she can see ghosts. She could, if she wanted to but she felt so much better staying alive with her logic.

She once again looked closely on her reflection and decided that even though it’s not glamor, she looked fresher for she’s been lacking of good sleeps lately. She smiled. ‘Happy birthday…’ she whispered.

 

hi

This is my first writing after months. Months!

Many things happened. Too many and too much that I find it hard to share. Maybe this is what people feel when they’re really down. So low that you cannot see the surface. So dark that you’re not sure how long you can endure. How to get back then?

I’m now reaching the surface and starting to see some light. I don’t know how I could make my way back, but it was certainly not without efforts, losing faith, and grief. I almost didn’t believe in anything but I tried to keep believing that He’s there protecting me. It’s hard to believe, but I chose to believe for I had nothing left. Then I learned that even in my worse time, it was actually the best situation I could be during circumstances. I can say this now because I was there.

However, the grief lasts. My beloved ones are still down there and I just don’t know how to help… Wish it would be as simple as bring them up together with me. Yet, it’s life that we’re talking about. And life deals well with time. I only can pray that their time to emerge will come soon before it’s too late.

 

titisan rasian

Setelah beribu-ribu hari berhasil aku lalui tanpa bayang dan suaranya mengikuti
Aku berlari kencang mengejar masa depan
Memasuki dunia indah yang baru dan bayan
Menggerawat kala lampau yang pekat, tak lagi terjamah indra
Dimana nurani tak berpijak pada kenyataan pun mimpi

Lalu dia datang lagi
Seperti hantu-hantu masa lalu yang berhasil keluar
Dari kotak Pandora yang telah terkunci dan terkubur di kolong tanah
Berlari dan menyergapku
Menarikku kembali ke kelamnya malam ingatan
Menyentuhku dengan jari-jari masa lalu
Memelukku dengan lengan kenangan hampa

Dan sejenak aku pasrah dan tenggelam dalam indahnya semu mimpi
Karena untuk sesaat seluruh indraku terhentak:
Mataku melihat segala bentuk takterbentuk dalam gelap
Telingaku mendengar tiap deru tarikan nafas para penunggu malam
Hidungku mencium tajam cinta yang membangkai
Tanganku menjamah bayangan Sang Silam

Yang sebelum mengirap, Dia memarau
Sambil menggoreskan sebuah bentuk di udara
‘Lihatlah dalam nyatamu Aku ada
walaupun kau anggap Aku nadir
Dan malam ini Aku mengijabkan
Kau untuk menyentuhKu sekali lagi
Supaya kau ukir dalam kesadaranmu
Yang akan merabun pada saat kau membuka matamu
Ketika Sang Fajar tersingkap
Bahwa Aku di sini
Hidup membenalu dalam benakmu
Mengakar dalam mimpimu
Memekat dengan jiwamu.’

 

conversation #2

woman: ‘do you know that a woman has the capability of loving several men at the same time?’
man      : ’it’s absurd.’
woman: ‘what do you mean?’
man      : ‘it’s absurd.’
woman: ‘that a woman has the capability of loving several men at the same time?’
man      : ‘yeah, it’s not normal.’
woman: ‘what I meant was it’s just like a man that has that capability too.’
man      : ‘well, it’s normal for a man to do so, but for a woman?’
woman: ‘so you’re trying to say that it belongs only to the men’s world?’
man      : ‘well, something like that.’

 

conversation #1

‘I hate you.’
‘Why?’
‘Does it matter? Since when what I feel has to have foundation?’
‘It does matter to me: what you feel.’
‘What will you do about it?’
‘I don’t know yet. Contemplate it. Maybe.’
‘I didn’t know that you contemplate on feelings too. I thought you do it only on lust.’

 

maya

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